I’ve had a lot of time to truly reflect on what it means to be black. More importantly, what it means to be a black woman. Women of color are known to be deeply rooted in their strength, resilience, healing, and natural protective nature. Although often times those same breathtaking attributes only reflects our character when at work for another being. That concept is perplexing. Black women, women of color, and just women overall for years continuously carry the loads of their family’s generational curses, which thus trickles into any other relationships or partnerships that we enter in as adults. We have gotten in the notion of having to carry the burden of these unhealed men, stroking their egos, and simply settling. Far beyond men, we unknowingly carry those same traits into our workspace, with the feelings of “we have to do it all” or that “we can’t say no.” Women, all women, but especially our black women, and furthermore me and other young women
like myself, must take on those phenomenal attributes of what it means to be a women and pour those astonishing characteristics into ourselves and not just in the people or things that we love. We are more than what we do for others, we are the milk and the honey
of this world and it’s time we fill our own cups above the line and overflow with pure gold.
I titled this blog “No More Shy Girl” because being shy is one characteristic that has been a hindrance in my life in a few ways. However, that one little characteristic is not who I am. If you have read some of my previous blog posts, I mentioned going to therapy. I have been going for a little over a year on and off. More recently, I found a new therapist. In our first few sessions, she made a statement that caught my attention: I hold the title of a healer and caregiver far beyond my career as a nurse. But her statement made it clear to me that I was missing that healing within myself. I take care of patients for a living, then come home to “take care of” or being the problem solver within my family and have always been a “caregiver” in my previous relationships. Being shy and on the introverted spectrum, I often find it difficult to set clear boundaries and state my needs. Beyond my reasoning of why I struggled with those necessities, many women lack that capability to set the tone of their relationships and business partnerships. We feel a strong obligation to be strong, heal others, or even do it all. In return, that leads us to a life of destruction: Unhealthy family connections, bad relationships that we grieve over for years, carry baggage into new relationships, stay in working conditions much longer than we need to, and can sometimes become too consumed in our work life.
I’m learning that I’m not only a shy black girl, but I am a token black girl!
I am learning how to set clear boundaries and sometimes even detach from people and things, even if it’s not permanent. That way I can attach to myself and attach to my own healing. To channel my own strength, not to carry someone else’s burdens, but the strength to let go of anything that has hurt me or no longer serving my purpose. Gaining back that protective nature, to protect me. To protect my mind, my body, and spirit. As a young black woman growing and learning from my mistakes, I can only hope to embody a black woman who is rooted in strength, resilience, healing, and protection. However, I must acquire those characteristics within myself, for myself before pouring all that greatness into another being or thing. In addition to that, I’m learning that it’s okay to embrace my beautiful & sexy side and not to fucking hold back! To dress in what I feel good af in AND to post that shit. Furthermore, to embrace my creative side, I’m no longer hoarding my ideas or business ventures, I’m going all in. I’m humble yet expressive about my success, I’m not playing small to comfort someone else. In the past, being introverted stopped me from living in my greatness and I’m no longer taking that route. I’m not just a shy girl, I am a token black girl!