Around this time last year, right after my birthday I can remember taking a hiatus from life, I purposely disconnected myself from the outside world up until after thanksgiving. I sat with myself for months, no interaction with people (beside my immediate family of course), to really absorb my thoughts and really look at my life from a different angle. I think that was the first time that I was honest with myself and realized I wasn’t happy.
When we talk about happiness, I think we attribute that feeling to another human being, while people do bring us happiness, I personally don’t believe they are the soul reason for our contentment with life and last year proved that for me. I have amazing people in my life and no matter how hard they tried to drag me out of my darkness that wasn’t enough for me. All of what I felt had nothing to do with another person, but all about myself and I was the only one in control of healing me. For me personally, it was a moment that I had to come to terms with forgiving myself (which is far harder than forgiving another being) and learning to live my life for me in all aspects.
That wasn’t even the hard part, because I think we subconsciously always know the root of how we feel in certain situations, the hard part was me saying “Okay this is ugly and it hurts, but it’s time to move the fuck on from it”. I think everyone can relate to that statement, no matter what were faced with in life whether it’s our own doings or just the cards we were dealt, we are the only ones in control of how we heal and grow from it. We have two choice, stay stuck or grow and the decision is completely ours. But what I will say is that God will always turn our pain into blessings, but you must be willing to make whatever change is necessary. Happiness doesn’t just knock on your door; you have to wake up every single day and choose to be happy regardless of your circumstances. That requires you to make conscious decisions daily that will change your life.
And that’s exactly what I started to do! Decide what type of life you want to live and make small efforts towards that daily. Be gentler and kinder to yourself. We are our own worst critics and our minds are powerful af, the same way we can fill it with negativity, we can always reverse it and fill our minds with more positive things that are going to fill our cups up with overflow of joy. In order to flourish and be great in our relationships (with family, friends, and our partners) and be bomb ass nurses (or whichever career you’re in), we first have to be great within!
Some tips that helped me break the cycle of negative thinking & unhappiness:
Number one, you have to be honest with yourself and come to terms with why you’re not happy or with whatever is causing conflict in your life.
Once you define why you’re not happy, devise a plan to correct it whether it’s your relationships, jobs, personal life etc. learn to be assertive in what you want and set boundaries
PRAY! I am a little prayer warrior. If you can’t talk to anyone, talk to God. But be specific and direct in your prayer life. Be transparent with your conversation, he already knows what you’re feeling, needing, and wanting. He just wants us to ask and confess it with our mouth. Ask him for a clear heart, calm mind, and most importantly to relax your spirit and whatever other needs you have.
Fill yourself with positive affirmations and gratitude. I think we sometimes get so overwhelmed by our problems we forget all that we’ve been blessed with. I have a 5 minute journal that I write in the first thing in the morning and before bed. It allows me to reflect on my blessings, my goals, and how to make each day better than yesterday. Specific questions that it allows me to answer are: "I am grateful for" "What would make today great" "Daily affirmations: I Am" "3 amazing things that happened today" "How could I have made today even better" ... You can buy this book from Amazon
Read a book! It sounds cliché, but we are what we feed our minds, truly. Some good read are “Girl wash your face” “Girl stop apologizing” and "You are a badass"
Meditate, in any form that works for you. For me I like to clean my room, followed by a hot shower, light some candles, turn on my diffuser and either lay their for 15-20 (depending on how I’m feeling) in silence or listen to meditation music such as rain etc and turn off my brain and try to not think about anything.
Get a therapist! Like deadass! Mental health is everything and you don’t have to be “crazy” to want to talk about your shit and grow! Recommendation: Therapyforblackgirls.com
Find a hobby, my blog is my baby! By hobby, I mean do something that feeds your soul, that’s not a necessity of your daily living. Do something that doesn’t seem like a chore or a job for you. Find an outlet.
Lastly, hold yourself fucking accountable! Don’t shift the blame on another being or your circumstances. As I stated, no matter how you got where you are, healing is all on you boo!
Those tips along with some other things and amazing people in my life, has helped me to become content and happy with my story and my scars. I’m expanding in my walk of faith and who I’m destined to be. I still have some growing to do and that’s okay, because I’m no longer where I was yesterday. We do ourselves a disgrace when will fill everyone’s cup up except for our own.
Nipsey once said “We don’t possess people or things, we experience them” that goes with every aspect of life, instead of looking at what we lost, focus more on what we gained, and what we took from the experience, good or bad. Nurture yourself, take your time, and love on you! Embrace the elements of yourself that you desperately try to hide, those are the very things that makes you strong & able to handle this world! Remember time doesn't heal you, acceptance is what heals you.
